Business Jokes

EQUATION OF EARNINGS

The Equation of earnings
Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof has been developed that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows,
Work = Power * Time
Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have:
Work = Knowledge * Money
Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge
Thus, as Knowledge decreases, Money increases, regardless of how much Work is done.
Conclusion: The Less you Know, the More you Make.
Note: It has been speculated that the reason why Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard’s math program was because he stumbled upon this proof as an undergraduate, and dedicated the rest of his career to the pursuit of ignorance.

BUSINESS QUOTES

1) I’m not a driven businessman, but a driven artist. I never think about money. Beautiful things make money.
By- Lord Acton.
2) Profit in business comes from repeat customers, customers that boast about your project or service, and that bring friends with them.
By - W. Edwards
3) DemingBusiness, that’s easily defined - it’s other people’s money.
By - Peter Drucker
4) A budget tells us what we can’t afford, but it doesn’t keep us from buying it.
By - William Feather
5) A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business.
By- Henry Ford
6) You can’t operate a company by fear, because the way to eliminate fear is to avoid criticism. And the way to avoid criticism is to do nothing.
By - Steve Ross
7) Failure doesn’t mean you are a failure it just means you haven’t succeeded yet.
By- Robert H. Schuller
Employees make the best dates. You don’t have to pick them up and they’re always tax-deductible.
By- Andy Warhol
9) As a small businessperson, you have no greater leverage than the truth.
By- John Greenleaf Whittier
10) In modern business it is not the crook who is to be feared most, it is the honest man who doesn’t know what he is doing.
By- William Wordsworth

BUSINESS QUOTES

1) I’m not a driven businessman, but a driven artist. I never think about money. Beautiful things make money.
By- Lord Acton.
2) Profit in business comes from repeat customers, customers that boast about your project or service, and that bring friends with them.
By - W. Edwards
3) DemingBusiness, that’s easily defined - it’s other people’s money.
By - Peter Drucker
4) A budget tells us what we can’t afford, but it doesn’t keep us from buying it.
By - William Feather
5) A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business.
By- Henry Ford
6) You can’t operate a company by fear, because the way to eliminate fear is to avoid criticism. And the way to avoid criticism is to do nothing.
By - Steve Ross
7) Failure doesn’t mean you are a failure it just means you haven’t succeeded yet.
By- Robert H. Schuller
Employees make the best dates. You don’t have to pick them up and they’re always tax-deductible.
By- Andy Warhol
9) As a small businessperson, you have no greater leverage than the truth.
By- John Greenleaf Whittier
10) In modern business it is not the crook who is to be feared most, it is the honest man who doesn’t know what he is doing.
By- William Wordsworth

Business Jokes

Half a million dollar:

The reputable Swiss bank gets a call from a client.

Client: “I would like to place half a million dollars with you”, he whispers
to the cashier.
Cashier: Feel free to speak up Sir, says the cashier. “In our bank being
Poor is nothing to be ashamed of”.

Sitting Idle:

A Crow was sitting on top of a tree.
A Rabbit watching the crow decides to sit idle beneath the tree.

Suddenly a Wolf, who was closely observing the Rabbit, pounces on it & kills it.

Moral of the Story:
“To sit idle, you should sit very high.”

Beware of Chartered Accountants:

In an interview process, the manager questions three candidates, an Engineer, a Statistician & a Chartered Accountant

Manager: What is 2+2?

Engineer: 4 (responds abruptly)

Statistician: (Thinks for a while and then responds) ….. With all possible & probable calculations, it can be made out that it should be somewhere between 3.9 & 4.1.

Chartered Accountant: (Rushes to shut the door, & whispers into the ears of the manager).. What would you want me to make it like?

Question and answer:

Q: What is the definition of an accountant?

A: Someone who solves a problem, you didn’t know you had, in a way you don’t understand

Q: What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?

A: Depreciation

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